Jan
2019

DBP #4 2019

Words were made. Rearranged. And plot stuffs figured out.

This is more of a placeholder post tbh. There’s a post I want to write, beating around in my head, I just don’t have the energy to write it atm.

Night y’all.

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Jun
2018

Daily blog post #24

OOPS

This weekend has been busy. Very busy. I broke the streak, but I’m not gonna stop posting. We’ve been getting things done, errands have been run, important things handled. And I’ve been binging on (and breaking thanks to too many mods loaded) fallout 4.

Writing; busy days mean nothing written.

Reading: nada.

Gardening:  I have a small harvest! Snappeas!

They’re soooo cute!

 

Sorry for the weekend silence. Hubs has now headed back to work and some really good stuff is in the plans which atm I can’t really talk about. BUT Things are good. Better than they’ve been for a long time. Take it easy all.

 

Be Kind to each other
~NPhoenix

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Jun
2018

Daily Blog Post #21

Life: D, my 18 year old, brought his gf over a few days ago. She was hacking and coughing. Guess what? Whatever she had, I have now. I am not amused.

For some reason this scene has been replaying in my head. I haven’t seen the rest of the movie since I was a kid but this scene has always stuck out. Pure gold lol

Writing: Today I was trying to work on my digi art and do a cover for Playing for the Dead because wow that cover really needs to be updated. I found a gorgeous pic, and then sat staring at it in my graphics program at a complete loss. I fumbled around for a while on the program before closing it out of frustration. I’m not sure if it’s brain fog from being sick or if it’s just that I haven’t touched this sort of thing in about 2 or 3 years.

I did scribble up some notes for Elemental Spies/Heir and did some background stuff for one of the love interests in that story. I think it’ll make a great story. Of course now I want to get a fire opal, if only so I can actually have one in hand when I try to describe the one the MMC is going to give the FMC. (And for someone who has never received any sort of jewelry before she’s going to be very baffled by it all mwahahaha!)

 

Reading: nada I have the focus of a butterfly.

 

Be Kind to each other
~NPhoenix

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Jun
2018

Daily Blog Post #18

Life: I drove kid out to his photo shoot in Harrisburg today. 3 1/2 hours each way and 5 hours sitting while they went through a huge slew of people. I thought I would hate the drive, instead, I discovered something; Central PA is absolutely GORGEOUS! There were places where the hills had been cut to make the road and you could see the layers in the rock. The geologist in me was geeking hard core. And when I was parked waiting for kid, I saw four squirrels rushing about. It was hilarious. You know that Geico commercial? The one where the mom calls at the most inopportune moment to tell her super spy son about the squirrels in the attic? Kills me everytime. That’s what those squirrels reminded me of.


There is a lot of time, while driving, to think. Especially when the kid fell asleep. I couldn’t help but think how fortunate I am, how awesome my kids are and how, despite it’s ups and downs, life’s pretty damn good.

There’s more, but I’m tired.

Writing: nil see above

Be Kind to each other
~NPhoenix

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Jun
2018

Daily Blog Post #17

A couple of days ago a news article came up on my newfeed on FB that fashion designer Kate Spade had passed away of apparent suicide. This morning I woke to the news Anthony Bourdain also succumbed to the mental illness and took his life. While I was unfamiliar with Mrs. Spade, or her accomplishments and struggles, I was sorta familiar with Anthony Bourdain. I watched his shows a few times, watched his guest appearance on Bizzare Foods, heard a lot about him that I admired.

Beyond the celebrity status, beyond the buzz of hollywood and high fashion, these were two people who fought an unseen fight against mental illness. And they lost. I could lay out the statistics, but everyone is doing that. I hurt for their families and friends, I mourn the loss of their talent. And I’m angry, I’m pissed, I’m downright enraged that mental illness is still not being taken seriously. I hear it, even from my own son, scoffing and condemning the people who hurt so deeply, who struggled so valiantly, yet who, in the end, couldn’t keep the inner demons of the mind away.

takes a deep breath

It could have been me. Did you know that? As recently as a few weeks ago the irritating, lying thought crossed my mind that the whole damn world would be better off it I wasn’t around. Back in 2001 I almost drove my car off a cliff, I’m not kidding. I didn’t, obviously, but had it not been for the fact I was preg with A, and I had J & D in the car I would have. I was so deep in the well of depression that I couldn’t see light. I wanted it done and over with. I chose not to, I continued on our way to the campground at Lake Cuyamaca in So Cal. But it was tempting. Very tempting. I was so tired. Tired of living, of struggling, of being screamed at and manipulated. I felt I was a burden on those that loved me, I felt that those closest to me really didn’t like me much at all. I was ready to be done. I chose not to because while my life is my business, I had no business taking the opportunity of living away from my boys. That got my thinking to shift and I recognized how in an instant I could have taken an irreversible step.

This wasn’t the only time those thoughts have crossed my mind, and aside from sternly talking myself out of it, to date my strongest recourse has been to remember Rachael. Rachael was a friend in high school who, in her junior year (iirc) walked in to discover her mother had shot herself in the head. Rachael was 17. Rachael was messed up after that, blaming herself for not taking her mother’s depression and sadness seriously. To this day, twenty years later, she still struggles with it.

I don’t want that to be my kids. Time and time again I’ve reminded myself that my kids and my hubs would be devastated if I did that. And I don’t want them to struggle to come to terms with something I chose to do. They want to have mom around, even if my brain is lying to me and telling me that’s not true. So far this has worked well, it’s been able to keep me from making a final step. I have a lot to live for. I force myself to find the light in what seems to be a shroud of pure darkness.

The pressure is intense, the brain is a mighty manipulator at times, tricking us into believing things aren’t the way they are. It is exhausting, day after day to fight a brain that seems intent on its own demise.

Sometimes, people can’t, no matter how hard they try, see any reason to continue. It’s not being dramatic, it’s not being selfish, if anything it’s a result of years and years of trying hard to be strong, to hide the swirling doubt in their minds. Many other suicidal people I’ve talked with over the years have this mentality; the world would be better without me. Sometimes they pull themselves out of it, or reach out for help or have those who love them reach out to them. Sometimes, despite all our efforts, some people slip further than we can reach. They’re not weak. They’re not selfish. They’re tired of day in and day out. They want the pain, the exhaustion to just stop.

I’ve been thinking about this all day, after shedding tears for the traveling chef who lost his battle. After quietly mourning the fashion designer who seemed to have it all.

Reach out to that buddy you haven’t heard from in a while. Shoot a text or email or phone call to that friend who has struggled. Reach out, because chances are, at least in my experience, they might not be able or willing to reach out to you. If they’re like me, they won’t want to burden you with their problems, or be a downer. They might not respond right away, but at least they’ll know that you care.

Here are some resources for you. Share these please, you might unknowingly save a life.

Suicidepreventionlifeline.org  phone # 1-800-273-8255 
State by state list of resources here
Addiction Center and their 24/7 phone # is (855) 826-4464
https://www.befrienders.org/

Here’s another article I read after Linkin Park singer Chester Bennington took his life. Here

We have to do something, to acknowledge and not scoff at people struggling with Mental Illnesses. Our future as a society depends on it.

~*~

Writing: I managed 846 words on E1 last night after I posted over here. Figured out what had me stumped. Silly brain. Will try to get the next bit posted on Monday or Tuesday.

Reading: Finished reading The Magic Bakery by DWS. Good book, eye opening.

Be Kind to each other
~NPhoenix

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Jun
2018

Missed yesterday – blog post 12

🙁 I’ve got some sort of stomach bug. fell asleep before I wrote yesterday.

Today I’ve been vegging with the kids, recovering from whatever it was I had. Wrote up a few behind the scenes scenes to a storything I’m not sure where it fits. Still feeling icky. Take care all

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May
2018

Daily post #7 – repost

Remind me NEVER to fiddle fuck with the website when I just wake up mmmk?

Life

Lazy sunday. I did chillin with the kiddos, playing fallout and telling myself over and over again to vacuum the damn bedroom. Yeah, I’ll do that in the morning. 😛

Writing

Been dabbling with ideas, backstories, I figured today I was going to veg out on video games so I wasn’t too serious. I’m writing on E1 right now (or will be once I’m done writing this post).

Reading

Started to read The Successful Author Mindset by Joanna Penn. I got it as a storybook bundle a while back and hadn’t touched it. Unfortunately bouncy brain is bouncy and I have the attention span of a butterfly today.

Hope your weekend is going great!
Be kind to each other.
~NPhoenix

 
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May
2018

Daily Blog Post #6

Sorry, was a couple hours late

 

 

Life

Lazy Sat. Need I say more?

Writing

Actually more like rereading older works and trying to remember where old files were stashed

Reading

Not today

Have a happy Memorial day

~NPhoenix

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May
2018

Daily Blog Post #4

Life

Holy crap it just goes! Kid is prepping for a Caribbean cruise this fall and needed a passport. So we went to the appointment to to apply and we had everything. Except the application he left on the dresser at home LOL. Luckily they have applications right there so he could re-fill one out, but I got the giggles (successfully smothered them because, not COOL mom! LOL). So that’s off and running. Should be about 4 to 6 weeks to get it in. Then I played taxi, driving kids all around hells half acre; the store, to work, to friend’s house and to a school function preparing the 5th grader for the new middle school. Oh and I was pokemon go-ing while I waited. It seems like my life is a collection of moments where I wait in the car for someone to do something. Kinda annoying really. But the little pokemon go game makes it fun. I don’t know why, but bouncing a poke-ball off the head of some wild pokemon is immensely satisfying.

Next week is the last week of school. The dreaded June is right around the corner. Not sure how I feel about it. I’m not sure how this summer will go.

Writing

I wrote about 400 words on when I thought was a flash fiction. But it’s all setting no real visible plot. I’ll try to whip something up tomorrow. Got nothing done today on E1 which is frustrating, but running around sucked out my brain, I swear.

Reading

Finished the Sales Copy book. Good, informative and now I want to read the books he used as examples LOL. I would recommend any writer who intends on self pubbing to invest in this book. Yes, I said invest. It will help hone your skills if you practice. I think this weekend will be sales copy practice time.

The Patreon is still up, I need to decide, and quickly, what I’m going to do with it.

Hope you are all doing well.
Be kind to each other
NPhoenix

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May
2018

Daily Blog #3

Life

Dr appointments and errands. And A took his drive test. And the parallel parking got him. Again. *sigh*

Writing

Dean Wesley Smith mentions ‘cycling’ in his blog. It’s a method of going back through as you write to tidy things up as you go so, theoretically, you can have a clean first draft. It’s funny, I’ve been doing the same thing, only I call it layering. Though I have a ways to go to get a ‘clean’ first draft, that’s my goal as a writer. I just kinda squeed when I realized exactly what it was he was doing. Revelations like that geek me out. You can check out the most recent blog post where he talks about it over here. If you follow his video lectures (I subscribe to them monthly) he did a writer tip segment on it. THAT is over here at WMG Publishing Lectures. They’ve got some pretty informative stuff which I’m slowly working through.

I got 612 words on the next bit of E1, but I’m so tired I’m going to call my daily writing done. I just can’t keep my eyes open. I like the direction it’s going. I’ve missed just writing.

Reading

I’m annoyed that I haven’t finished the Sales Copy book. I haven’t touched it today, thanks to life. I’ll try to wrap up reading that tomorrow. I need to practice it for my projects.

Music

I found this today and just about lost it. I LOVE this song and Alice Cooper just totally nailed it.

Hope you are all having a great week. Be safe, readers in Hawaii, in the path of Pele.
Be kind to each other.
~NPhoenix

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May
2018

Daily Blog #2

 

Life

Still waiting on an official update on my SIL. She’s had a rough road, to put it mildly.

Today was a down day. Yesterday’s adventures caught up with me so I slept for most the morning after the kids got on the bus. Then there was the gardening. I find it very soothing fiddling around with my little container garden. Especially when things are stressful. I’ll try to get pictures up of the silly little garden. I have no idea what I’m doing. But I’m having fun.

Took the dog and the younger kids for a walk before dinner. I need to do that more LOL I was far more winded than I should have been.

Writing

I wrote part of a flash fiction this afternoon before getting pounced on by kids needing rides for workstuff. After I’m done writing this, I’m going to either try to finish writing that or tackle the next E1 chapter to rewrite.

Reading

How to Write Fiction Sales Copy by Dean Wesley Smith. I’m horribly out of practice. I like how he breaks it down and I’m also going to see about getting my hands on the stories he mentions. 😛 once a reader…

 

 

Edited: Added a link and fixed a typo

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May
2018

Daily Blog Post Experiment.

Blog post a day.

I’m challenging myself to more writing. Of blog posts, of fiction. I’ve let other things clog me tremendously and that’s just not good. So Lets see if I can get a streak going. Blog post a day. Story a week. Flash friday. Am I trying to hard? Maybe. But that’s okay. If it means I get words…

So today; Lawn got mowed, a swimmingpool got set up. I got some very bad news about family members in a bad crash.

I was going to write more on this blog but I was caught up making phone calls and finding out what had happened. Happy thoughts to my SIL please.

Night all.

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