I hesitate saying ‘I’m back!’ because I’ve said it before and things happen. But things always happen. I’ve been focusing less on stories and writing, and more on family and health over the past year, I just haven’t had the ?will? ?spoons? to come over here.

The Website needs updating, links cleared, theme redone. The books up for sale need a bit of an overhaul. The Patreon page (which I effing forgot about) needs attention, so does the Wattpad page. My goals, my focus, all that fun stuff needs to be re-examined.

And every time I’d come over here, I felt like such a goddamn loser. I just didn’t have the mental capacity to get shit done.

So here I am. Trying not to get overwhelmed and let anxiety win. I’ll take it day by day.

Life Status; My son, who had struggled hard for a few years (which was what initially threw me for a loop and knocked me off my game back in 2014) graduated this past May. Not only did he graduate, but on walking out of HS he walked right into a Cosmetology career, flat out bought a car, and just bought his first ‘house’ (ok, mobile home) and is planning on marrying his long time gf. He’ll be 19 in a couple of months. This is the kid who, I was told by the PA justice system, was never going to graduate, and would probably spend his life in and out of jail.

This, along with juggling a kid in college and a kid adrift, and herding the younger kids towards their own futures, has left me an exhausted , though very proud, mama.

Mental Health;

Did you know that many women who were children in the 80s & 90s (and earlier) were overlooked by mental health care professionals when they exhibited ADHD and autistic behaviors? It’s quite infuriating. Especially as we have determined that my ‘bipolar’ symptoms were mis-diagnosed. Bipolar? no. I have never experienced any kind of mania. But I have a textbook case of ADHD which took me close to 16 years to get any psychologist to recognize. Now on the right meds, functioning like an actual human being and not a depressed squirrel, has gone a long way in me reclaiming me.

This has led to better organizing my brain and dudes, sorta consistent writing even.

I cannot stress enough how priceless it is to finally get the correct meds to help get your brain functioning right.

Writing:

This IS a writer page after all, and lately I haven’t really been doing much of that over the past few years. So here’s a bit of an update on the state of those things.

Elemental Truth is temporarily on hold. Mainly because Zandercrack has hijacked my brain. So I’m going with it.

The Bastard Prince this is, hands down, a heart project. Which had roared to a halt because something wasn’t right. Well last week I figured out why I was having trouble. I’m back in the saddle, working on it daily for the past week, managing to push it from the low/mid 70k to 87k. I’ve got not idea how much (wordcount wise) I’ve got left to be able to slap The End to it, but if I go by scenes…. maybe 20 to 25 scenes? Possibly 30? Maybe?

Other Projects; I’ve got a few half finished fallout fanfics (which I doubt will ever see the light of day LOL), a few fallout inspired post apoc ideas which are silently begging me to finish them. Mostly everything is focused on BP and E1.

September Goals;
~Finish BP. Like, just wrap the fucker up, get SL (book 2) scene listed (planning on using it for NaNo this year). See if my editor is going to be available and toss it her way.
~Scene list the rest of the Zander Chronicles.
~ IF there’s time left over, dust off The Fallen, write the four or five filler scenes, and decide if it’s going to go up or is going to grow into a novel.
October Goals;
~Finish E1. Like BP it’s stuck just outside the grande finale and for some crazy reason I just… stopped. Not sure if it’s some inner fear of saying good-bye to loved characters, or just overwhelmed brain can’t take any more dished out at it.
~Scene list E2. if there’s time.

The rest of 2019 Goals:
~Write. Just, get back into the habit of writing daily. Of allowing myself to be creative without guilting myself.
~I would like to put both BP AND E1 up for sale before Christmas. We’ll see how that goes.
~Be more forgiving of myself. I am my own worst critic. In recent years I have become very harsh with my inner monologue towards myself. This is not healthy and inhibits both personal happiness and my creativity. I need to be kinder to myself.

Other Thoughts.

It’s okay to take a break. It’s okay to step back and rethink things. Even if you do it over and over and over. It’s okay. It doesn’t mean you’re a failure. It means you’re actively processing your situation.

I hope you are all having a good day (whenever you read this).

Be kind to one another
~N Phoenix.

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